MY STORY

I am a swami having my ashram in one of the most holy cities of north India. It is the land of my forefathers. My roots are embedded very deep in this soil of my Motherland. The rich, deep, vibrant, colourful and exotic culture courses through my very veins and arteries; it is in my blood and somewhere deep inside of my soul! I have found my home here. In 1997 when I first set foot on this soil I knew then in my very depths…I was home again after a very long absence. It felt good for my senses to be assaulted by the pungent odours of the food of the street vendors and stale urine wafting through the air; the cacophony of sounds of temple bells ringing and rickshaw walas calling; the vibrant yet non-bustling images of every day life. Yes, this is my home; where I truly belong! It was a Divine Voice that called me here.

I made my entry into this world in Durban, SA a long time ago. SA is a beautiful land but sadly it’s beauty is hidden by the deep scars it sustained during the battle for it’s ownership. It is ravaged and torn! There is much spilt blood; of the ancestors of the land who died trying to protect what was theirs and the blood of the white savages who tried to rip and wrest the land away from those who owned it by virtue of the fact that they were born in that soil, literally! There is hatred and bitterness! Violence ravages the people of this land! Darkness casts a huge shadow over all!

It was in this land that I tried to make an existence; existence is very apt because that’s all it was. It was no life; mere existence; shadows of what should have been my life! Broken images of a cracked mirror forever disjointed; never to be made whole again! I was dysfunctional and emotionally unbalanced. Inside of me there was a yawning chasm which needed to be filled; I tried to fill it with hard drinking and clubbing. The more I tried to fill it the more it wouldn’t go away! There is no reason to live…why was I born into this world? What is the purpose of my life? There is no purpose; only suffering! ‘You were born to suffer” is the only answer which came from inside of me time and time again. So why live? It’s better to die now and end all this suffering! My life was one big suffering!

Trying to make an existence in the land of apartheid wasn’t easy; it only complicated things. I hated the white man! Yes, every white person whether born in SA or outside of it. They could enjoy all the facilities and utilities which I was deprived of. Even though I was born in this land it wasn’t my right to enjoy these basic pleasures but others from outside could come to ‘the white man’s paradise’ and enjoy it to their heart’s content!
Is this not an injustice! Had I been caught sitting on the white bench in the park then I would have been booted about and fined. What was my sin? I was the wrong colour, man! My place was on the green bench.

Growing up in SA there wasn’t one day where I was made to feel that I belonged to it. The black man knew that this was their land; the white man was forcefully trying to make it his own. But I was brown; neither white nor black! In between; neither here nor there! We were always reminded that the Indian’s place was in the ocean because the Indian came from somewhere across the Indian Ocean. So, there was always the thought playing in our minds…we have to go back there from where we came; we don’t belong here! Yet, in my wildest imagination I never thought that some day I would make that journey.

I had reached the very depths of despair…my life was a deep groaning from inside. In my hopeless and miserable existence of stumbling and groping in the darkness…Divine Light shone brightly and the darkness was swallowed up! When I was wallowing in the stinking cesspool of iniquities Divine Grace reached out and pulled me out! I was calling out to Death to come and end my miserable existence…to squash out my existence as one would a cockroach by pressing it under foot. But Divine Life came and touched me and penetrated into the very depths of my spirit! Since I was born this was the very first time I felt I was alive; I was dead but now I am alive! My spirit was suffused with the Divine Spirit! Now hopelessness and despair fled away as Divine Hope and Divine Joy filled me! My mind was made new and Divine Knowledge obliterated all lies! My soul was filled with Divine Peace as Divinity filled me and penetrated every fabric of my being! I was made whole again! Divine Love entered my heart and all the poison of hatred and bitterness evaporated! Now there was only love for all of mankind irrespective of race or colour. Yes, even love for the white man!

I am rich; not with the riches of this world but with incomparable and unfathomable riches of Eternal Divinity! This world had only pain and suffering to offer me therefore I seek nothing from this world. The riches which I have this world can neither give nor take away! I am content in Divinity. Divinity is all the riches I need!

Divinity called me back to my Motherland to give these Divine Riches to those who are hungering and thirsting after true spirituality. The ashram is the place where people who come seeking are given freely these Divine Riches. Yes, Divine Grace is touching and mending many broken lives; they are whole again! Divine Glory is filling this place and Divine Praise is being lifted up by thankful hearts!